Funny

So, here I sit, party of one on my patio drinking a glass of wine texting and talking to random people. As entertained as I am, I'm still lonely.

Entertainment line-up:
Alex - 28 yrs old, never married, no kids, travels like crazy, works in a hospital, but very funny, we talk about weirdos on match, travel, and sports.
Chris - the date from last Saturday, 2 kids, divorced, 33 yrs old, begging for 2nd date, moved here the exact same day I did a year ago, thinks I have an amazing accent, likes to hear me talk altho we've only talked on the phone twice now for less than 10 minutes. Has Erich tendencies though.
Clint - 34, divorced, 2 kids, kind of shy but says its because he's new to dating, 2 yrs post divorce, seems like a good hearted guy....been hurt pretty badly.
Gary - 34, never married, no kids, dog, invited me to his apartment to play darts (didn't go), he's beginning to creep me out a little bit, begging for a date (to which I decline).
Bart - 48 yrs old, never married, one kid, but who cares, did you see how old he was? He keeps emailing me thru match.com, inviting me to his condo in Brazil, very creepy weird guy.
Centerfield - don't know his real name, emails me through match, he's hilarious, 30 something, goofy looking, but makes me laugh, says I'm the only girl that can keep up with his wit. And he's good, takes a lot of effort but the banter is fun.
BTRanch - don't know  his name w/o looking it up, emails me through match, very shy, has a ranch in Cedar Park, divorced, 36, 2 kids, moved here from Dallas, thinks I'm just so pretty, he's actually good looking but too shy.
Stefan - 38, never married, no kids, drives a Porshe, does yoga and gives the impression that he has a lot of money, but best I can tell, he's looking for the trophy girl and I'm not that girl. But he was impressed w/ my knowledge of cars and tracks (thanks JR).

Then there's Braden, my lab partner in Chemistry class my Sophmore year in high school. He's moving to TX from Florida next month. He's an ER Nurse which I never would've guessed. His timing on texts/emails is perfect. Just before a date, I get a "Good Luck"....I canceled on the date then sat at a bar, solo, and he text me the majority of the night. I have a huge important meeting today w/ the VP of Finance which I'll elaborate on in a second and just before the meeting he asked how it went. I told him I hadn't had it yet. But still, he remembered and he thought enough to text me. At night, when I'm sitting here, I'll get a random msg from him. Generic, but nice. Just the right dose of friend sometimes. He asked why me and JR broke up so I sent him the short version via email. His feedback was great. If only I would absorb it in this big brain of mine.

Then there's Joe, not my brother-in-law. He ran around w/ my brother's gang. He was the "bad" guy in high school but seems to have his life put together now. We've become really great friends. Have a lot of the same views on people and relationships. He pulls me out of my funks in the evenings. He remembers some crazy stuff that even I don't remember. Like he remembers a conversation I had w/ him in 6th grade. Bizarre. He's got a good heart and is genuine which is nice. I pretty much dump all my emotional shit on him in the evenings.

And while one might think I have enough distraction with all that, I still think of JR. My counselor asked me yesterday, "Why do you want someone that doesn't want you?" I didn't answer. I teared up. Because I don't think he doesn't want me. Too many things just don't add up in this. In fact, in the email he sent the other day, he contradicts himself at least 3 times. But what do I know? He's the one that's nearing "40 and no closer"...So, I couldn't help but think of him tonight when Alex said, "You are by far, the prettiest girl on match.com in Austin right now." I said, "That's not true, I've seen them. There's some pretty ones." He said, "The half decent ones I've gone on dates with all want to get married w/in an hour." Then he said, "You are very pretty, beautiful, and witty, and I can't imagine that someone hasn't snatched you up yet." I confessed, "I'm a psycho bitch and I borrowed those pics of some girl's myspace." He laughed. I'm glad he knew I was kidding but it did pose the question. But also gave me a little boost....uhh, yeah, why am I single? Not that I don't need to be or that there's anything wrong with it. But again, I'd like a companion and being rejected by Jefferson was a heartbreak and a low blow for many reasons. The main one, it doesn't make sense. For such a smart guy, he makes no sense. I told Alex I wouldn't be on match after the next week or so. True story.

I sit on the patio and hear footsteps and imagine JR walking up, jumping the fence, and sitting down and having civil conversation. But I know that'll never happen. I mean, hell, not even 10 hours after sending me that email that talked about missing me and all that's lost, he posts on fb, "....has a fuh-reaking amazing life" which all my friends say is bullshit. That its a front because even though we aren't "friends" he's gotta be hurting and knows I'll read it or hear it through the grapevine. No one's life, just after a break-up with something so "rare and special" is "fuh-reaking amazing".....Friends, keep telling me that.

I had a conversation with a girl at work who asked me if JR was going to run for office. I told her no. She then said, "So what the hell does it matter who you voted for or what your political beliefs are?" I shrugged. Not that I don't think it's important to share those beliefs, it would make things easier every 4 years I'm sure but it was lame that JR would bring that up as one of the main reasons we didn't approach life the same. Damn dude, you're gonna have to compromise on something unless you want to be "50 and no closer."

My counselor gave me 2 worksheets yesterday. One is called His Needs/Her Needs. I liked it. I knew it already but nice reminder. Also, he gave me a list of 20 questions to ask your partner BEFORE you get in a serious relationship. I asked what the point of that was or what I'm looking for based on the answers and he said, "Red flags. If you do not have common ground on those things, chances of you not working out are greater." I informed him that I knew all of JR's answers to these questions and chalked them up to valuing someone else as different or opposites attract. He looked at me and said, "You are very sharp, Khaki. Too sharp sometimes." Still processing that one.

So, I pretty much bombed month-end close on Rehab this month. Anything that went wrong, did. So, I got a meeting invite from the VP of Finance and the Financial Analyst. I went and it was wonderful. I got to show them the tedious steps involved, and suggested ways to improve the processes which require a software developer to create a program for us. I proposed many ideas/outlets/suggestions (thank you PwC for all that systems implementation work). I felt that the Khaki Factor was really working for me. I had a few minutes in there where my head was like, "Khaki, you're on fire." It felt great and was commended. And Wendy, the next time you try to throw me under the bus, could you please come up with a better defense? I just made her life easier today x50. She can thank me later. It felt so good afterwards that I didn't want to work the rest of the afternoon. I did but didn't feel like it.  The one person I wanted to text, was JR. He was good at professional insight/advice. But if I did that now, I'd feel like that psychotic bitch he dated named Kim. She does that and he always played stupid. I think she wanted more from him and used that as a lure. Wtfe.

I'm tired and this half glass of wine has relaxed me to the point of bedtime. I will be glad when I can get through a day and not think of Jefferson. It sucks. I almost wish I had never met him and had a year of being single under my belt. Oh but the jeans I fit into this morning, were wonderful. I do have my appetite back but I've lost 9lbs since we broke up. Dreading the swimsuit I have to fit into tomorrow though. I'm taking the boys swimming and splashing. One more thing, I talked to Kevin via email today. He misses us. I'm definitely in the acceptance phase of that demise. He called to talk to the boys and talked to me more than them. We talked about discipline and it was wonderful.

G'night.