So, after this weekend w/ Braden, I've been in a funk. I had an amazing weekend, actually. I just don't know what I want from our relationship. And not sure I have a choice really. One minute I think I have finally found my guy best friend. Then I think I like him...LIKE him, like him. On the fence. And as soon as I think I would date him, I remember my sister saying that when you know, you'll know early. Really? I can't say I knew that w/ Kevin. I know we're just talking about dating but I don't get a giddy butterfly feeling around Braden. I get a very comfortable feeling. I can't explain it really.
Boys are stupid, we should throw rocks at all of them. Even Brian, my buddy at work who saves my ass and points out the obvious w/o making me feel like an idiot.....who also makes me laugh my ass off. :-) Like I told him today, he's like the big brother I never wanted. Boys are stupid, all of them.
My happy hour date w/ Ryan was a bomb, btw. I mean, he's nice, he inquired about me, we laughed, he's very attractive, but there just wasn't something there....I think he's too young. Perhaps a bit immature for me. Oh, I did laugh so hard it hurt when he made fun of a retarded kid though. I know, very bad, Khaki. For shame.
So, I can't figure Braden out at all. I'm tired of trying actually. I'm also tired of thinking about it/him. So, why can't I stop? Ugh, if I were friends w/ me, I'd punch me.
I had a very long post in my head all ready to write but am far too tired from all this running to type it up but perhaps I will this weekend.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Fat Camp
Ok, so long story long, l have a very special person that I'd say I loved more than most anyone...for the sake of anonymity, let's just call her Patty....dear sweet Patty has been begging me to play golf for about 2-3 years now. Sometimes this begging comes in the form of bragging. I'm not sure if she is trying to brag in hopes that my very competitive streak will bite the bait or what. She has graciously provided everything I need to take up said sport. Golf bag, brand new Nike golf shoes, clubs, even cute lil golfing outfits....but gee, I have so much free time on my hands that this isn't really possible. BUT did agree that I would play with her more and more as the kids were gone. We'd start hitting up the driving ranges, etc....because I'm no where NEAR golf course ready. Today, sweet Patty, almost cancelled lunch on me because she "wanted to be lazy".....so when I got the text message at 4:59pm that said, "not golfing, too hot" I was a bit skeptical given PATTY used to love Bikram yoga and yardwork and all kinds of things hot and sweaty....what's a bucket o' balls on a driving range at sunset....almost sounds like a sweet vision of mother/daughter time...oh, except my mother's name isn't Patty...it's PATricia. :-) Poor Patty had no idea I spent 2 hours of my afternoon trying to remember where I put those cute golf clothes or that I spent some time (can't believe I am going to admit this) googling which golf club you use at a driving range....and no, you don't just use your driver, duh (eye roll w/ a smile).
And most of you know that I recently took my first spin class, right? Yeah, I hated it. It sucked. If my precious little sister thinks that riding a stationary bike going nowhere fast for an hour in a room full of triatheletes, while listening to some crappy music and walking bowl legged for 3 days is fun and watching me do this motivates her, I'll do it. I'll take one for the team. I love her. I do.
Now, let's meet JY, for the sake of anonymity, of course. JY is a new friend of mine. Actually, a friend of my sister's I met a few weeks ago. You ever met someone that has on no makeup and is absolutely beautiful and when they say something about looking like crap or not having any make-up on, you want to just punch them in the face? That's JY. She is smart, successful, gorgeous, fit, no kids, unmarried, etc. She's my skinny bitch friend. :-) We're going to hunt us down some gay male friends and force them to be our BFFs. At any rate, I've agreed to do this Warrior Dash (google it) with JY, JY's friend whom I have yet to meet but am meeting on Sunday, and my sister who is an endurance machine. JY posted lovely pics of her on a boat this weekend, wake boarding, in a bikini.....made me sick a lil bit actually.
You see, I really don't give a shit that the scale says I weigh 152lbs. I don't care that some obesity chart says I should weigh 129-132lbs. I really don't. I do care that my divorce diet is no longer working. This has to be a great sign for my mental/emotional health but not so much my eating. I did not get up to 324lbs by hating food, I will admit. Yes, I used to weigh 324lbs, about 7 yrs ago. I lost 172lbs of that in a year's time. Yes, I had my guts re-routed but also became a gym whore. I spent countless hours in the gym with an amazing workout buddy and a personal trainer. THEN, I had my first son....THEN 20 months after him, I had my twins. I'm well aware of what I need to do to get my body back in shape. It's sad that it took a divorce and my sister having a baby to really get motivated to do it though. Lol.
I remember when I first started working out and Eric (Michael J. Fox lookalike personal trainer) would put the treadmill on 15 minutes and I would just die. It was the longest 15 minutes of my life. Everyday I would bribe myself w/ something like 10 minutes in the hottub if you finish your 15 minutes. Of course, I got to where I would do over an hour on the treadmill, weight circuits, etc, and it was nothing. I very vividly remember laughing at myself and having a conversation w/ my workout buddy reminiscing when 15 mins of WALKING on the treadmill would kill us. I came a long way in a year.
I love sports. I've played sports and been an athlete all my life. Really, soccer, volleyball, whatever. My favorite sport is racquetball. Something about chasing that damn bouncy ball all over that court, hitting it as hard as you can when you do finally make contact with it.....LOVE IT...I suck and I don't know the rules but I can wear the outfit and pull it off. I even have a fancy racquet that would lead one to believe I know what the hell I'm doing. What does it matter, I get red-faced, sweaty, and crave water aferward so it's doing something, right? :-D (yes, I'm kidding)
So, agreeing to train w/ some marathoners and compete in some obstacle course thingy made me go for a nice run today. I'm the type of person that does what I say I'm going to do. If I say I'm going to train w/ you, I will. Yeah, my body hates my brain sometimes. I realized while I was on my lil journey that you don't need a fancy gym membership or a sleepless night of watching the P90X infomercial to get off your ass and do something. You need this:
1) Motivation: a SB for a friend that posts pictures of herself in a bikini to remind you you won't look like that ever but try to come close, an email conversation w/ an ex husband that went awry, some sibling rivalry, a bad day at work, an old photo of yourself at 324lbs, a recent photo caught at a bad angle (to which your friend that posted it hasn't responded to your request to delete yet), the simple desire to be healthy and fit, whatever the case may be.
2) Spandex - wear something skin tight, something with a little pinch to it just to serve as a reminder, little love tug, that if you run a little harder or push yourself a little longer, these pants might just fall off in a few months...I opted for black yoga pants and a black tank top. Make sure you go when the sun is out so that you can see your shadow cast on the pavement running right next to you and all those "curves?" that are exploding out of your skin tight attire, are soon to fall off if you can run a little harder.
3) Parking lot - I can't run on terrain just yet. I have to stick to flat surfaces (says my PT for my hip) so I opted for a huge parking lot of an arena (high school football arena but we are in TX so trust me, it's huge). Make sure, if you can, that this parking lot is next to some apartments. That way you get so freakin paranoid that someone worth something is watching you. (yes, we are all worth something, I meant someone like oh, I dunno, Brad Cooper --I think that was the cute guy in that movie I watched this weekend).
4) Music - This music does not have to be fast or upbeat. Put the Ipod on shuffle and just keep moving. I prefer to run to Eminem, honestly but today I just let it shuffle. Shakira came on and I did a little dance move while I ran (only when out of view of the apts along the hedge line)...and it helped that her album cover is hot...as in sexy and yeah, what I'd give to have that body...I think at that point, I may have done my stint at sprinting...til it was over. John Mayer came on and well, he's my next ex-husband so of course I ran to his song, little slower, probably more like a Zone 2 AT (neen, laugh), Rod Stewart came on and I did a lunge walk....and had a visual of those mall walkers in Amarillo at Western Plaza, oh wait, Brad Cooper could be watching from that window, Khaki, you better run...c'mon look lik you do this all the time. Run the straights, walk the turns...shit, or did we always walk the straights, run the turns? :-D Use whatever song, sad, mad, happy, to keep you moving. I actually danced a little in my "run"....and for the record, and an hour and 11 minutes later, I stopped. Thank God one of my best friends left a bottle of water in the car. I don't care if it was a little warm.
And most of you know that I recently took my first spin class, right? Yeah, I hated it. It sucked. If my precious little sister thinks that riding a stationary bike going nowhere fast for an hour in a room full of triatheletes, while listening to some crappy music and walking bowl legged for 3 days is fun and watching me do this motivates her, I'll do it. I'll take one for the team. I love her. I do.
Now, let's meet JY, for the sake of anonymity, of course. JY is a new friend of mine. Actually, a friend of my sister's I met a few weeks ago. You ever met someone that has on no makeup and is absolutely beautiful and when they say something about looking like crap or not having any make-up on, you want to just punch them in the face? That's JY. She is smart, successful, gorgeous, fit, no kids, unmarried, etc. She's my skinny bitch friend. :-) We're going to hunt us down some gay male friends and force them to be our BFFs. At any rate, I've agreed to do this Warrior Dash (google it) with JY, JY's friend whom I have yet to meet but am meeting on Sunday, and my sister who is an endurance machine. JY posted lovely pics of her on a boat this weekend, wake boarding, in a bikini.....made me sick a lil bit actually.
You see, I really don't give a shit that the scale says I weigh 152lbs. I don't care that some obesity chart says I should weigh 129-132lbs. I really don't. I do care that my divorce diet is no longer working. This has to be a great sign for my mental/emotional health but not so much my eating. I did not get up to 324lbs by hating food, I will admit. Yes, I used to weigh 324lbs, about 7 yrs ago. I lost 172lbs of that in a year's time. Yes, I had my guts re-routed but also became a gym whore. I spent countless hours in the gym with an amazing workout buddy and a personal trainer. THEN, I had my first son....THEN 20 months after him, I had my twins. I'm well aware of what I need to do to get my body back in shape. It's sad that it took a divorce and my sister having a baby to really get motivated to do it though. Lol.
I remember when I first started working out and Eric (Michael J. Fox lookalike personal trainer) would put the treadmill on 15 minutes and I would just die. It was the longest 15 minutes of my life. Everyday I would bribe myself w/ something like 10 minutes in the hottub if you finish your 15 minutes. Of course, I got to where I would do over an hour on the treadmill, weight circuits, etc, and it was nothing. I very vividly remember laughing at myself and having a conversation w/ my workout buddy reminiscing when 15 mins of WALKING on the treadmill would kill us. I came a long way in a year.
I love sports. I've played sports and been an athlete all my life. Really, soccer, volleyball, whatever. My favorite sport is racquetball. Something about chasing that damn bouncy ball all over that court, hitting it as hard as you can when you do finally make contact with it.....LOVE IT...I suck and I don't know the rules but I can wear the outfit and pull it off. I even have a fancy racquet that would lead one to believe I know what the hell I'm doing. What does it matter, I get red-faced, sweaty, and crave water aferward so it's doing something, right? :-D (yes, I'm kidding)
So, agreeing to train w/ some marathoners and compete in some obstacle course thingy made me go for a nice run today. I'm the type of person that does what I say I'm going to do. If I say I'm going to train w/ you, I will. Yeah, my body hates my brain sometimes. I realized while I was on my lil journey that you don't need a fancy gym membership or a sleepless night of watching the P90X infomercial to get off your ass and do something. You need this:
1) Motivation: a SB for a friend that posts pictures of herself in a bikini to remind you you won't look like that ever but try to come close, an email conversation w/ an ex husband that went awry, some sibling rivalry, a bad day at work, an old photo of yourself at 324lbs, a recent photo caught at a bad angle (to which your friend that posted it hasn't responded to your request to delete yet), the simple desire to be healthy and fit, whatever the case may be.
2) Spandex - wear something skin tight, something with a little pinch to it just to serve as a reminder, little love tug, that if you run a little harder or push yourself a little longer, these pants might just fall off in a few months...I opted for black yoga pants and a black tank top. Make sure you go when the sun is out so that you can see your shadow cast on the pavement running right next to you and all those "curves?" that are exploding out of your skin tight attire, are soon to fall off if you can run a little harder.
3) Parking lot - I can't run on terrain just yet. I have to stick to flat surfaces (says my PT for my hip) so I opted for a huge parking lot of an arena (high school football arena but we are in TX so trust me, it's huge). Make sure, if you can, that this parking lot is next to some apartments. That way you get so freakin paranoid that someone worth something is watching you. (yes, we are all worth something, I meant someone like oh, I dunno, Brad Cooper --I think that was the cute guy in that movie I watched this weekend).
4) Music - This music does not have to be fast or upbeat. Put the Ipod on shuffle and just keep moving. I prefer to run to Eminem, honestly but today I just let it shuffle. Shakira came on and I did a little dance move while I ran (only when out of view of the apts along the hedge line)...and it helped that her album cover is hot...as in sexy and yeah, what I'd give to have that body...I think at that point, I may have done my stint at sprinting...til it was over. John Mayer came on and well, he's my next ex-husband so of course I ran to his song, little slower, probably more like a Zone 2 AT (neen, laugh), Rod Stewart came on and I did a lunge walk....and had a visual of those mall walkers in Amarillo at Western Plaza, oh wait, Brad Cooper could be watching from that window, Khaki, you better run...c'mon look lik you do this all the time. Run the straights, walk the turns...shit, or did we always walk the straights, run the turns? :-D Use whatever song, sad, mad, happy, to keep you moving. I actually danced a little in my "run"....and for the record, and an hour and 11 minutes later, I stopped. Thank God one of my best friends left a bottle of water in the car. I don't care if it was a little warm.
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