So, those that follow my blog know I'm overdue for an update. Yes, I've gotten your emails. Those that don't. You don't need to. :-)
I've just been busy. I have a few guy friends that have asked for an update on my dating life (or lack thereof) and while my moronic encounters have been fewer lately, they still exist so please find humor. I actually find humor that more guys like my dating stories than my female friends. So, for you guys, here it is.
I have shared with many that I'm not looking for some guy to fit some mold that I've created in my mind. I'm open but am strongly considering the mental development of a mold. I mean, I do have standards and am learning how to focus in on red flags immediately. So, in the past 2 years, I've definitely gotten smarter. I drive my boys to Waco every other Friday and pick them up every other Sunday. Their dad, my ex-husband, resides in Dallas so this is where we meet for the exchange. Exit 353 and back. Usually, I come home late on Friday nights, case in point, it is almost midnight and I just got home from an exchange. So, not much time for anything other than a hot shower and my DVR. On a rare occasion, I do go out though.
Several weeks back, I got home in time to catch a Spurs game and wanted to have a glass of wine so I went to Little Woodrow's....a bar up the street with decent music, tons of TVs with every sports game on [not to mention my purse full of BOGs to spend there (gift certs, if you will -my sis works for their corporate office)]. I was going to watch the Spurs game (hate the Spurs, love the Mavs, but keep up with stats of most of the teams, esp Mavs rivals). So, there I sit watching the Spurs game enjoying an overdue glass of wine. I don't hang out in bars regularly or anything but when I do, I find a seat near NO ONE. I think bars are the worst places to meet people but do find enjoyment in watching people. I could be entertained at an airport for days, just observing.
I'm sitting there for about 10 minutes and a guy sits next to me. I avoid all eye contact. I made a small outburst in victory when one of Spurs got fouled. So, I guess stranger-now-sitting-too-close took this as an invitation for a lame ice breaker. "I take it you aren't a Spurs fan?" Me, not looking at him, "No, prefer the Mavs." Him, "High five to that one."
Ok, stop. Are you really going to high five me? I didn't say this but thought it. I smiled, fakely, leaving him and his high five hanging. Long story short, he said something that kind of ticked me off.....statistics about basketball in general. I then made a huge mistake. I turned in his direction, made eye contact and engaged in conversation, albeit debate.
He had 3 beers during the time I was there and several times mentioned his girlfriend in Chicago. So, here I go all Dr. Phil on him. "Why are you sad? You chose a long distance relationship. How long have you been together? It's almost Christmas, you should surprise her." Many lines similar to that hinting to invest in the relationship. He went from missing her to "I don't think it's going to work out with us. I should get out of the relationship and start anew."
I used to work for this venues corporate office as their accountant and know some of the people that work there. One of the barbacks always speaks Spanish to me. I am not fluent but can get by with general Espanol conversation. Random-weird-guy-that-I-wish-would-hop-on-a-flight-to-Chicago-NOW starts asking me what I do for a living. I would like to point out that we all know this is really a blatant way to guage how much money one makes.
At any rate, this guy was an Immigration Attorney. "Oh really, specializing in?" His reply, "Immigrants from Mexico." (not the answer I was looking for, Mr. Educated Attorney) I countered, "Ahh, so you speak Spanish?" Him, "Not at all but if I did it would really help my career." Me, "You think?" (duh) For some reason he then felt the need to ask me what I drove. SERIOUSLY? Guys, take note. Lame question to which I will always answer honestly. "A minivan." He laughs. Me, "¿Entonces ahora soy gracioso?" (so now I"m funny?) At this point, I had been trying to flag down the bartender for my check....for the half consumed ONE glass of wine. Amazing how a stranger can be an instant buzzkill. I've got to be better at dissing someone. We talk casually for a bit longer and he's decided that my name is not Khaki, it's "Boo"....and that perhaps I'm a dog because he's pet my hair a few times. WEIRD and I say, "Did you really just pet my hair? I don't like people to touch my hair, or me." Then he tells me he drives a "shiny red 3000GT"....to which I say, "didnt' they stop making those awhile back?" (insert fake laugh to mock him from earlier)
A-ha, check has arrived, thank you Lord. I throw down a couple of those gift certs and as the bartender wisks them away I begin to ponder...how is the one glass of house merlot at this dive bar almost $18? My new friend has gone to the restroom and I'm so ready to bail. I asked the bartender and she says, "Oh are y'all not together, he said to put his drinks on your tab." I said, "It's fine, whatever." Left her a small cash tip and started to walk out the door. The guy shouts, "Boo, Boo, you aren't leaving me, are you?" Stunned. "I have to get home, the game is over and its late. I paid for your drinks and you're welcome." Him, "You don't want to sleep all alone do you? I will come keep you company." Me, "Oh no, no, no, I'm good. I prefer sleeping alone actually.Thanks.Ummm, I'm not THAT girl, sorry." He's now walking with me to my car and I'm thinking to myself, I hope that pepper spray is still in my glovebox. He goes for a hug which I dodge. I see his "red shiny 3000GT" across the parking lot. I get in my car and drive away. I see him get in his car. I think to myself, I can't go home. He'll follow me. So, I drive to my mom's neighborhood and drive around and around and up and down the streets until I don't see any cars. Then I went home and crashed. The next day, I called Time Warner and ordered the NBA Channel so I can watch all the basketball games from my couch. :-)
Why do I attract morons? In a bar, I get it. But even in general encounters with other people...it would seem that only the weirdos are interested. I don't get it, AT ALL. I am not seeking to date anyone right now. I'm far too busy. But just as a security measure to keep those DBs away, I've booked up most of my next kid-free weekends (through about March) with friends and family.
And I have another blog/note for my theory on dating younger guys. Which I succumbed to and have concluded its not my best idea. So, details on that coming soon. For now, my DVR is screaming for some attention. Note to file, do not engage in conversations with ALLEGED Immigration Attorneys, especially if they call you "Boo" and throw their drinks on your tab.....asshole. I'm all about independence (paying for my own stuff) and am pretty much a low maintenance type girl.....but seriously?
More later.
.
No comments:
Post a Comment