I know its been awhile since I've blogged...well, that's inaccurate. I've been blogging but not publishing them. Still, not as often as I should have. I'm not even really sure why. I've been on a crazy rollercoaster this year. And as it comes to a close, I've decided I need to write more in 2012. In fact, I'd say 2011 was probably tied with 2008 for worst year ever.
Recently a young man that I've met once in my lifetime, a friend of a friend if you will, had posted that I should write a book. He said this in reference to the crazy stuff I put on Facebook about my kids. I was flattered because this guy is NOT the typical audience I would expect to have if I ever did in fact write a book. He has, since, read my blog. Crazy how things happen sometimes.
At any rate...wait for it..."Here I sit...." drinking a glass of red wine and contemplating life. Actually, that's what I've done all day..the contemplating life part. I cleaned my house. Well, not clean like I want to clean. I didn't bust out the Pledge and Windex or mops and Fabuloso but it's vacuumed and picked up and laundry is done. Christmas decor has been packed up. As I look around, I think to myself, wow, as shitty as this apartment is to me....it's been good to us. I will be so glad to leave it in 2012 though. So, I had a helluva time with my Christmas tree this year. Some lights worked, some didn't. I never did get it fully lit. As soon as I laced it with strung lights (probably worst grammar ever...my bad) amongst the burnt out pre-lit bullshit, the entire top half of the tree quit working. I gave up.
Let's rewind for a few. I recently kinda dated or was talking to this guy...and he doesn't get his own blog or introduction just yet because he hates that I blog and I told him I wouldn't blog about him and we were hanging out at his house and he said something to me that really pissed me off at the time. We were talking about our divorces. This was back in October. October was the month Kevin got married. October was the month of our anniversary. October is shit to me. I hate October. And so I'm sitting in this guy's living room after one of the most awkward moments two people can have only for him to say to me, "Just let it go." Really, asshole, let it go? Do you know what its like to walk in my shoes? I have 3 kids with a man that left me and married some white trash whore and all you can say is "Let It Go".....can we not have an adult conversation? I mean, I'm not trying to be all sentimental or cry on your fucking shoulder. Jeez.
Ok, pick up where I was a minute ago. I did not share this mental reaction with him. I sat there sweetly and listened to him tell the story of the demise of his marriage and wondered if that had been me, I would've stayed. No one cheated. It seemed to have been a case of miscommunication and stubbornness. And on the long drive home from his house, I thought about what he had said to me. And the way he said it. So rudely. It has since echoed in my head many times. I hung out with this guy last night for a few. We actually had a conversation about his "Let It Go" and I told him how much it offended me. I told him how rude it was. You know what he said to me. He said he had since thought about that night too and realized that. He also told me that he had a family confrontation (for lack of a better word) and they all told him the same thing about his divorce. He said he'd never say it to me again because he realizes he too, needs to just let it go.
I was tearing down my Christmas tree decor today and when it came to deciding to store or not to store a broken shitty Christmas tree, I paused.....and as Misty said to me, "Take a moment"....took my moment and all I could hear was "Let It Go".....so I did. Off to the dumpster went the first Christmas tree I had in my first house with my complete family. Oddly, this is the same Christmas tree that I let Asa borrow one Christmas. Asa...the messenger of all things evil regarding Kevin's extracurricular lifestyle. Yep, to the trash it went. Next year, I will get another tree. Not even going to worry about it now. It will be a perfect tree.
Sometimes you just gotta "Let It Go"....it really is that simple. More brewing in this head of mine but I'm going to sit on the couch and chill out a bit.
Life is good.
No comments:
Post a Comment